Question and Answer Examples

Question

My husband is a alcoholic but yet doesn't know it. I was wondering some side effects on illness from alcohol he has yellowish eyes, sore back/side after large amounts of beer. He has a swollen stomach that is hard as a rock, but is not heavy anywhere else. He now has swollen ankles and part of leg. He is just a beer drinker and says he is ok cause he only drinks beer? If you can't help him give me information on how to help me.

Answer

Hello
I regret that you have to experience alcoholism in your husband; I know how painful that is. Every 12 ounces of beer usually has the equivalent alcohol content of one shot of liquor, or more. The vehicle the alcohol comes in does not matter; the end result of excessive alcohol intake is the same. I am not a physician and so cannot give medical opinions. However, the signs you specified (yellowish eyes, back pain, enlarged abdomen, swollen ankles), could be serious signs of medical complications from chronic, excessive alcohol use, such as liver damage and even cardiac problems. I strongly suggest that your husband get a thorough medical checkup, soon. As far as helping you, I suggest you consider attending meetings of Al-Anon, the 12 Step Program for those in a relationship with an alcoholic, http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html. There you will find support and information about how to help yourself and how not to play into the manipulative behaviors that all alcoholics display. Good luck to you. Check out my website for more help.
Jan Edward williams, MS, JD, LCADC
http://www.alcoholdrugsos.com

Question

Hello, I've been with my fiance for 6 years, and I always thought he was just a social drinker until about a year ago when we moved to MA and he started spending most of his time with his alcoholic sister, hanging out with her at strip clubs and sometimes not even coming home after a night out with her because he was too drunk. It came to the point that he became abusive towards me and our kids. At that point I knew it was time for tough love, so I broke up with him and changed all the locks. He cleaned up his act, went to AA meetings, stopped hanging out, and after a few months he moved back in with us. It's been only 2 months, and he's already started drinking again. He says it's different this time, that he knows his limit, and that he'll never put us through that again. He started with one beer, and is now up to four (and sometimes a shot or 2) twice a week. He also announced he'll be starting an entertainment business with his sister. I guess my question is the following: can he really control his drinking or should I expect his behavior to return? He says I'm being absurd because he hasn't been drinking a lot like he use to and that I'm just paranoid and anti social. Am I? I don't want to stick around until it gets worst but I also worry that he really did change and I will make a mistake.

Answer

Hello,
I must condition these comments by saying that they are based on the assumption that your fiance is an alcoholic; it certainly seems that he has a problem from the information you have provided, but it is difficult to make a definitive diagnosis without a thorough history. You have good instincts; trust them. You were correct in your earlier decision to use tough love on your fiance. It is extremely rare, almost impossible, for an alcoholic to return to social, non-problematic alcohol use. The alcoholic may be able to drink without losing control for a short period of time, but inevitably will, because of the nature of the disease, lose control and revert to the alcoholic behaviors previously evidenced. So, my answer, regrettably, is that you are undoubtedly correct that your fiance's alcoholism (assuming he is an alcoholic) will worsen. It sounds as if his period of sobriety and AA attendance were just motivated by his desire to not lose his relationship with you and that he has not yet internalized that he is an alcoholic and must abstain from alcohol completely. If you are unclear that he is an alcoholic, I can only say that time will tell. If he demonstrates any of the previous behaviors (staying out all night, becoming abusive), then the diagnosis will be clear. Good luck. Check out my website for further information and help.
Jan Edward Williams, MS, JD, LCADC
www.alcoholdrugsos.com